That one time Maggie got her fingernails ripped off

I let the child ride under the shopping cart at Target and she stuck her finger in the wheels, ripping two fingernails off. It was horrible.  There is an urgent care in the parking lot of Target, they turned me away and told us to go to the ER.  ER was an hour wait time and they expected her to sit in the waiting room.  Finally, I took her over to Children's Mercy where they took very good care of her.  I should have gone there first! Matt met us there and scolded me with his face for being 'that mom'. She was a trooper and even took a nap on me for a minute (while holding her hand up in the air).  They took x-rays to make sure her bones didn't get crushed and then we had to wait to see if we needed to be transferred downtown.  Luckily, they were able to take care of here there.  They gave her fentanyl (yikes), number her hand, cleaned her up and we were done.  Not how I expected to spend my Saturday. I can report that her nails grew back beautifully and it only took 3 months, not the 6 months they told us! She had to wear a bandage until the nails fell off, and that was about 6-8 weeks, so the poor thing learned to craft, paint, bathe, all with her little injured hand. 

Prepare yourself

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All better!

So cute and pathetic

All I'm Going to Say

I've rolled it around and around in my head all the things I want to say.  I've typed things and deleted them, but I can't say nothing.  I am devastated at what has happened and am trying to figure out a way to stand in front of people that I know voted for him and not take it as a personal attack against, me, my friends and loved ones, and my daughter.  And this is coming from someone who considers themselves pretty fiscally conservative but socially liberal.  Someone who was a college republican and campaigned for Ron Paul.  I find our President elect so morally repulsive I'm literally in awe of what our country has done.  In awe and terrified.  This isn't like Romney won, or even Pence and I don't agree with his politics This is a racist, bigoted, sexist, criminal, that will now be running the country and shaping the world my children are growing up in.  And don't give me that it was about the Supreme Court.  You can't be pro-life but be okay with the sexual assault that  leads women to make that decision.  And if you think Hillary is a criminal, you are delusional. Okay, I'm done, I've insulted enough people, but this is how I feel and it's my blog. Call me dramatic and we won't be speaking for awhile.  I'm moving into a cave until 2020 #saveusjoebiden

 

T Bones- June 2nd

Innocently on our way out to the T Bones game....

When we get sideswiped by a semi truck in a narrow lanes through construction.  And he had no idea he did it so when we pulled over, he didn't, which made it a hit and run

Took out our side mirror and our front fender.  Matt drove like a bat out of hell and caught up with him so we got all his info.  I called the company and they were great about it and took care of everything including a rental. We just kind of said 'what now?' 'I guess we go to the game!'

Charlie throwing a fit because I wouldn't let him try my margarita (it does come in a pretty blue kid-like glass, I blame the concession-ier)

Quickly over it

Sweet Shadow

Shadow was acting a little funny so Matt took him to the vet.  The poor thing was full of cancer and probably in quite a bit of pain.  We went in the next morning to relieve him of his misery.  It was very sudden.  His mom is Lady, she is our other dog and she is 18.  We never dreamed we'd lose Shadow before we lost Lady. So we spent the night spoiling him with sausage and eggs and let him stay on the couch (usually a big no-no).  He got lots of love, and if you have ever met Shadow, that's all he ever wanted *nudge*, *nudge* PET ME *nudge*, *nudge* LOVE ME

My poor husband is very upset.  He basically held him from the diagnosis until the next morning.  Shadow is Matt's best good friend.  And although he could be a pain and ate all my socks...he was a sweet and very good dog.  Our house is going to be so weird without him.  You will be terribly missed good buddy!

The reason I don't have a computer

This has never been a problem before, but the reason I don't have a computer is that I spilled coffee (with sugar and cream) on our old computer.  Matt took it all apart and it was limping along and I go and spill wine on it....he was not happy.  So when we got the temporary computer from my sister-in-law I woke up to find this on it.  (mind you, there is my coffee right there next to it)  I should have been named Princess Grace

Here We Go Again

Well, we had to head back into the ER last night. After doing better all day, he woke up around 1am looking like Chunk. We flew to the ER and were there until about 6am. Everything they threw at him wasn't working and none of the doctors or nurses could figure out what was going on. It was very frustrating and we are very sleep deprived today. Prayers appreciated.

Look at my child!

Charlie woke up with a rash, but it became extremely worse throughout the day.  Minute Clinic was full, Urgent Care was full, so off to the ER we went....We were in and out in under two hours, which wasn't too bad for as busy as they were.  Plus, we got room with a TV and remote so were able to watch cartoons and distract him.  It was an allergic reaction to the amoxycillin he was on.  Which is so annoying because this probably means he's allergic to penicillin.  They gave him some steroids which quickly helped and he should get better quickly.  He had the nurse snowed with his charm and she just swooned over him.  Charlie is a hit wherever we go, what can I say, we've got a cute kid...

My 9/11

Well, speaking of my blog having no content, here is a little content.  Some may be offended by this post, some may be understanding, some may not care, but here we go.

I hate September 11th. I don't want to remember. I don't want see the pictures. I DO NOT want to hear audio.  I don't want to have a moment of silence.  I just want to forget that terrible, scary day. 

I was single and alone in Kansas City and I just remember calling my dad.  I didn't know what to do.  Do I drive home? Can I leave my apartment? Can I drive on the roads?  I just wanted to be close to my greatest protector- my dad. And I couldn't.  I had to go to work, and I lived 7 hours away from him, and it didn't make sense, nothing made sense. 

So, my September 11th, I choose to crawl into a news hole today.  No Drudge, no Huffington Post, if NPR talks about it, or for God's sake plays the audio of that day, I will change the channel.  Why do we need to be put back to that day?  I don't wanna, I'm not gonna, I opt out. 

It's not out of lack or respect for those we've lost, but do I want to sit and remember every detail of the day I lost my mother? Grandmother? Kay? Mike? Kathy? Bob? Margaret?  Yeah, thanks...I'm good.  I'm done tormenting myself every year on this day listening to it all over and over again.

I'm okay, you're okay

Confession time....I try to keep this blog more about the kids and less about me, but I'm going to get a little personal here. I suffer from anxiety.  I've had it since I was about 16.  It varies in it's intensity.  At times, I almost thought I had overcome it, but it always rears its ugly head again eventually.  It came back so severe when I was pregnant my OB had a serious talk that if I didn't get it under control, I would have to go on meds because it was bad for the baby (which scared the crap out of me).  I've never gone on meds for it which is strange because I tend to be 'a pill solves everything' kind of person.  I guess I've seen too many people try to get off them and struggle- it just scared me.  I have a pretty crazy addictive personality. I like to think I know what I can and can't handle and Xanax sounds too good to casually take for me. 

After 15 odd years or so I have a lot of methods of dealing with it in place; breathing, walking, mind games to keep it under control.  But even with all these coping mechanisms, sometimes, the dam just breaks and I have mini-meltdowns.  My poor, understanding, amazing husband usually takes the brunt of my breakdowns.  Hindsight is always 20/20.  Most of the time I recognize and apologize, sometimes right in the middle of such breakdowns (which is an odd feeling to know you are being unreasonable and have no way of making it stop) but that is no fun for him.  I wish I could change it, trust me, I've tried.  It's part of who I am and it can't be cured, only managed.  I've asked him when he knows I'm in my anxiety rant to use a code word.  The one I came up with was 'Rice Krispies', his was "You're being $#*#*$ insane', I prefer rice krispies.

We are leaving for Mackinac Island for ten days with my husband's entire family.  These kinds of big events are triggers for me, so as much as I am crazy excited to see Northern Michigan, be with good people and get on water, the dam has broken.  This has been a very. hard. week. for me and I'm near just wanting to curl in the fetal position and hide until we leave.  This isn't possible, there is too much to do. 

So, no blogging until I get back.  If I have some time in Michigan to get some pictures on the blog, I'm hoping to do that to prevent the onslaught of 400 pictures of cute kids up north once we get back.  But know that if I'm posting pictures, I'm relaxed and happy....until then, I'll be in the corner rocking, but most likely just trying to act as normal as I possibly can.

I love you all to bits and pieces

Charlie! What did you get into!?!

UPDATE: Charlie has hand, foot and mouth disease, not to be confused with foot and mouth disease, which only cows, not humans can get. So no, Charlie does not have Mad Cow disease as I panicked the first time I heart the prognosis. It's like chicken pox, a few days of anti-vial meds and he'll be fine. Oh, but he'll never be allowed to step outside the house ever again....

Sunday was probably one of the hardest days we've had with Charlie since he was born.  He was so miserable.  He wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, he just cried all day.  The only time we could get him to calm down was actually in our arms.  On top of this killer rash, he was cutting molars.  It was a double whammy of miserableness

His friend at day care has it too, they got into something the little devils....

With lots of benadryl, ibuprofen, and hydro-cortisone, he's back to his happy self today, it just looks brutal

Nothing slows this kid down!

Shadow and Charlie

Our dog Shadow is struggling with some arthritis. It is getting better and he is on lots of doggy drugs, but it's just hard for him to get around.

We've had problems with him going to the bathroom on the patio. I think the unevenness of the yard hurts his leg. It's annoying, but it's not his fault. We've gotten him to go right off the patio in the yard. It's not ideal, but it's in the grass. We still have some patio issues, but he's trying.

Charlie has just started tormenting these old dogs. He runs after them and as soon as they get comfortable, he's all over them.

Well, Shadow went out in the yard, right off the patio and lifted his leg and Charlie walked right into it. Dog urine...all over my kid. One of those glamorous, parent-of-the-year moments. He looked at me covered in dog pee and shook his head and waved his arms like 'what is this all over me?' Well Charlie, stop tormenting the dogs!! So, I dragged him inside and washed him off, changed his clothes, washed his shoes which took the brunt of the hit and played in the living room for the rest of the night.

Our nightly routine is that Charlie gets fed, we grab some water and head out to the back to play and let the dogs out. I sit on a deck chair or pull him in his wagon. We play with the dogs and check out the strawberry patch and the birdfeeder.

The very next day after the first incident, we let the dogs out. I stepped back inside to grab something from the laundry room and Shadow didn't make it off the patio, he must have been dying. I come out and Charlie is playing in it like it was a puddle.  Slapping his hands in it to see it splash, kneeling in it and all.  I FREAK and pull him out of it.  I get the hose out to get a quick wash down just to get it off of him immediately and proceed to hose down the patio.  Well, Charlie wanted to play with the hose and I figured, the kids been covered in dog pee for two days straight, what the heck.  It was warm, so I let him soak himself with the hose before taking him for a formal disinfecting. 

We'll laugh at these moments in the future right???


You can see how the front of him is soaked...

 


while the back is completely dry



I would like to say that our patio doesn't always look like this, but it always looks like this.  I line the chairs up and stack his toys away and the very next day, Charlie has rearranged the entire thing.  'it's not messy, my kids are making memories' right Pinterest?

This one is funny because I was playing with the water pressure. He knew I had something to do with it, but just couldn't figure it out

And while we in our back yard, check out the rose bush!  When they start to die, Matt clips them and seriously, the next day, there are 20 blooms to replace them.  Just beautiful.  Bridgette and I have been waking up to roses on our side tables, what a great way to wake up

So.....bird seed needs to be put in a bucket

We knew the bag would get broken into, we just kept putting it off.  We came out and 630 birds and 990 squirrels darted out of our shed.  We didn't have to look to know what happened.  They broke the bag open and all that stuff on the ground?  Besides the gas can- all of that was up on a shelf.  They had a party

Selling the CDs

Today is a very sad post. All of my music has been put on the computer, I don't use CDs anymore- at all. They have been sitting up in the attic for a year and it's time to sell them while they still have any value left. I spent about 3 hours last night putting them together. I had to put the covers back in the cases and swap out bad cases for better ones. I grew so nostalgic looking through these CDs.  Each CD puts my back to a very particular time in my life. Some of these CDs I've had for over 15 years! There were some I just couldn't part with, I don't care if they are about as useful as a VHS tape, I can't bring myself to get rid of them.

Some of the CDs I just could not part With:

U2/Joshua Tree - everyone needs a hard copy of the Joshua Tree right?

Fugees/The Score- if you you were 18 in 1996, you understand

Pixies/Doolittle - life changing album (for me anyway)

Devotchka/How it Ends- bought the CD at the show at the Bottleneck in Lawrence, can't part with it

Bjork/Debut- Summer gym, Ruby Chakrabarti....such good memories

They Might Be Giants/Flood - 'nuff said

Beastie Boys/Check your Head - reminds me of endless days over at the Bausch's and includes the song that reminds me most of my sister- plus, it's a fantastic album.  I opened it and saw the inside art and knew it had to be saved

Portishead/Dummy - this CD should be dead for as many times as I listened to it

Radiohead/OK Computer - In my opinion - THE best album of all time.  Summer after freshman year- my first apartment with Julie- good times

Grateful Dead/Mason's Children - still has the 'Import/ Down in the Valley' sticker on it- this CD has been my prized possession of my collection for all time

Grateful Dead/One from the Vault - this album IS freshman year in college to me -'Please welcome, Miss Donna Jean Godchaux!" I was obsessed.

Grateful Dead/100 year Hall - The hours upon hours upon hours I listened to this album up in my room avoiding my parents (HA! I was sooo oppressed in my nice house with good food and nice parents)


I know that I just listed off 3 Dead albums, but I had TWENTY SIX Dead albums that have gone with me everywhere. I'm a closet dead head.....I'm proud I'm getting rid of as many as I am, I'd like to keep them all. In fact, Reckoning is in the sell pile and I seriously pondered pulling it out as I laid in bed last night. I don't think I can part with it. That album was Joanna Simer & my album- we lost her in 1997. I know it's stupid if it's going to sit in the attic, but I'm not a hoarder, I get rid of everything, I don't feel guilty saving these little 5x5 discs. At least that is what I'm trying to convince my self of.

Also, as I was pulling the CDs out, old concert tickets were falling out. I used to put the tickets with the CDs when I saw them in concert. I know most of them have been lost, but I couldn't believe the one's I still had.

Rolling Stones- Senior year in high school at the Target Center, ticket is almost completely unreadable. Weak concert for an even weaker album - Bridges to Babylon. I remember telling my dad - 'but dad. they may NEVER tour again, you HAVE to let me go!' They've toured I think twice since this. I can't even remember who I went with, I remember sitting next to Megan Hoffman, that's about it. Oh, and sitting through the opening band, that horrible band that sang "Three Princes" - Spin Doctors (thank you Wikipedia) and watching 2 middle age women in front of me rock out to them and then sit through the entire Stones set. Ridiculous.

Radiohead- BEST concert I've ever seen, to this day. It was in a really intimate setting- The State Theatre in Minneapolis. I went with Marcie Fitch, who had never heard of the band. If you've ever seen them in concert, no explanation is necessary, they are just plain amazing.

10,000 Maniacs- went to see them with Chelsea Bausch at the Orpheum. My most dearest friend from my teen angst years. I get so sad that we aren't friends anymore. I remember this being a pretty decent concert- they were touring Noah's Dove. An album I still enjoy today, but the original is in the sell pile. Loved the 10,000 Maniacs, wasn't too huge on when Natalie Merchant went solo.

They Might Be Giants- at First Ave, one of the first concerts I ever went to. Loved it, loved them, loved First Ave. First Ave is pretty much the coolest thing ever when you are 15, I can't believe my parent's ever let me go down there! I don't know if I'd let my 16 year old step-daughter Bridgette go downtown Minneapolis. I'm glad they did, I had some great times at First Ave. Again, I went with Chelsea.

Pavement- at First Ave again This one is a funny story. I was so weird about boys in high school, I was pretty much terrified of them. Roger Schrader asked me to go to the concert- it was a Sunday night and my dad did NOT want me to go. I told him I'd be home by 11 pm, and of course, it was like 11 pm and they were just hitting the stage and we were downtown- a good 30-40 min drive back to Wayzata. So, dad let me stay out until midnight, but we had to leave in the middle of the show. Roger took my home and when he dropped me off I was all 'thanks! See ya!' and bolted from the car. I had no idea he thought it was a date, and proceeded to tell the whole school that I peaced out on him and how I made him leave in the middle of the show.

Indigo Girls- went and saw them with my sister at Stephens Auditorium in Ames in 1995.  They are great in concert, very crowd oriented.  I know, I know the Indigo Girls- insert joke here, but I love them (Rites of Passage was one of the CDs I couldn't part with)

Last, and the very least was Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young- saw them with some people at Kemper in 2000.  They were bad, it was a waste of money, Kemper is a horrible place to see a concert.

But where are the other tickets- I would just die to have my DMX ticket - take a wild guess who I went to that concert with (Natalie) or my Phish ticket.  Went with Brian, Welsh, Heath, it rained, it was like woodstock- so...much...mud-covered....fun

I think I've changed his sheets every day this week

Laid Charlie down to bed tonight-  he had been down for like 3 minutes when he started crying.

Matt went in to get him back down and walked into what you see here

Yep, that's carrot baby food on his face from 3 hours ago.  He rolled to his tummy, threw up and then set his face in it.
It's been like this all week.  The amount of bodily fluids that can come out of something so small astounds me. 
Parenting is so glamorous

Charlie's First Cold

Charlie has been battling a cold for going on 2 weeks now. He's not really sick, no fevers or anything, he is just producing large amounts of mucous. He has been waking up in the middle of the night. Some nights worse than others. Last night was a bad night.

He wants his pacifier, but he can't breathe, so the whole thing just upsets him. It's hard to watch, you just want him to feel better and you just want him to be able to breeeeaaatthe. I have perfected my skills at the nose sucker, and Charlie has perfected his skills at dodging it. I used it after every bath and it never bothered him, he has no love for the nose sucker anymore.

And because he's been waking up, he has now trained himself (or me) to want a big bottle at 3am. So now I don't know if he's waking up because he's sick or he's hungry. We are right on that verge of starting cereals. They say to wait until 6 months, but screw that. This boy is hungry, and I want my 9 hours a night back!

He was up 5-6 times last night, so I'm going to be a little tired today. We see the ped tomorrow.

Boooooo cold season

The first week- more breatfeeding issues

We were finally home. Charlie was amazing, he slept and he slept and he slept. He was sleeping 20 hours a day if not more and feeding every 4 hours. I thought he was easy! I had no idea what was really going on. My milk came in late Saturday. He would feed and it would take forever, usually upwards of about an hour between the fussing and the actual eating. But he was latching, so I assumed he was getting milk.

We went to the Doctor on Tuesday and he was down in weight. This is normal, they lose weight at first, but he had lost more than normal. They wanted him back Friday for another weigh in. I was annoyed, I knew he was eating and there goes ANOTHER copay check out the door.

We brought him in Friday and thought nothing of it. He was down another half a pound. I was so confused! He was eating and eating and eating. I was a little confused why he went 4 hours, but I thought I was lucky! The pediatrician proceeded to tell me, he's latching and suckling, but basically not getting anything. That's why he fusses and feeds so long. He finally gives up and sleeps it off. She told me that I needed to start bottle feeding immediately. I needed to feed him every two hours or he was going to have to be put in the hospital for dehydration.

I flipping lost it. How has he not been getting food and I didn't know it? I felt like the worst mother ever. The pediatrician was very sweet. She said this isn't uncommon, especially for first time mothers and that she's never given this speech where the mom didn't cry.

I started pumping like crazy and feeding every 2 hours. He was an absolute different baby after that. He was awake more during the day, he was more lively and interactive. I didn't even need to wake him up. Once he started eating, he would wake up to feed. He became my little hungry hungry hippo. I was mortified that I had been starving my precious little man. We brought him in on Monday and he had gained a significant amount of weight. The doctor was happy and we were good until his 2 week checkup (which was 2 days away- another copay out the door).

More issues

I guess to explain, I'll have to start at the beginning. Back in my 22nd (?) week, somewhere around there, I had a bladder infection. My doctor went ahead and prescibed antibiotics without my having to come in and have culture done. I was in there a couple of days later and they did a culture which came back negative. She said, this can happen, and to finish out my antibiotics. The next week, while still on the antibiotics, I got really sick. That Tuesday, I came into work in tears, I was a prego mess. I thought it was just the nausea that I always got from the ride in, and just waited for it to pass. I wasn't feeling better later that day and eventually got so sick that Matt's mom had to come pick me up from work and get me to urgent care. I couldn't even drive. Once there, they performed another culture on me and...no bladder infection. It just wasn't possible. The doctor told me that even though the test came back negative, my numbers were all over the place and that I for sure had one. Whatever, I was dizzy with a high fever, I just wanted to go home and go to bed. I was out from work for a day and a half. It was the sickest I had been in years.

SO....I've had extreme pain around my bladder again this week, I called my doctor to get a prescription and she's out of town. The nurse didn't feel comfortable without doing a test and made me come in. I'm so annoyed at this point because I obviously have a bladder infection and can hardly stand up straight at this point. I go in, there were 4 different people that came in and poked and prodded at me. I'm so uncomfortable on that table, I'm hugely pregnant, not a good place to have to sit for an extended period of time. Come to find out that I still don't have a bladder infection, that it's PELVIC PAIN. Whatever that is. Basically because I'm so short and so huge, the cartiledge is stretching and causing sharp pains. The baby is going through a growth spurt and I'm having a spike in hormones. I supposed to 'take it easy' and wear this awesomly fashionable maternity belt. It helps a lot, but makes my tummy sore if I wear it too long. I don't know how much more easy I can take it. Taking a shower is about the extent of my physical exertion. I can cook, but I have to sit down every couple of minutes. I can clean, but only 1 foot x 1 foot areas at a time. I can do a load of laundry, but I have to sit down after from walking up the stairs. If this is exerting yourself, my poor husband it screwed. The house is a mess, there is a film of dust on everything. I spilled 7-up on the kitchen floor and so half-ass cleaned it up, the floor is still a little sticky. I'm just giving up. I can't keep up with it all. Matt is trying to finish the basement which we are way behind on, plus with the advent of spring, there is mucho un-delayable yard work, I just can't ask him to do clean the house too.

Ugh.....I had to rant a bit. Anyone want to give me a winning lottery ticket so I can hire someone to clean my house?

Delish Coconut almond macaroons and a massive failure

lemony almond macaroons

from real simple:

Ingredients

• 1 14-ounce package sweetened shredded coconut
• 1 cup sliced almonds
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
• 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
• 4 large egg whites

Directions

1. Heat oven to 325° F. In a large bowl, combine the coconut, almonds, sugar, lemon zest, and salt. Mix in the egg whites.
2. Drop mounds of the mixture (each equal to 2 tablespoons) onto 2 parchment-lined baking sheets, spacing them 1½ inches apart.
3. Bake, switching the baking sheets halfway through, until the edges begin to brown, 20 to 25 minutes. Cool slightly on baking sheets, then transfer to wire racks to cool completely.
4. Store in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 1 week.

Broken Saucer

On another note- made this cake for Easter. It was a Martha Stewart Easter cake. 4 hours and one melt down later, it was finally done and......not good. Not good at all. Look how delicious it looks in the picture! No one liked it, not even I and most of it ended up in the trash. What a tragedy.

Didn't see this coming....

Unexpected expense of having a baby? Toilet paper. It is obscene how much toilet paper I went through this weekend. I have never, ever peed so much in my life. I thought the peeing issue didn't happen until the end?!? And I am majorly guilty of taking too much toilet paper at a time, always have. (It keeps all nice and clean when you use a bunch!) It's going to be a long 21 weeks.

I have been prego for almost 20 weeks and I feel like I've been pregnant for 14 months, my poor husband probably feels like it's been even longer. He thinks I may be a bit of a drama queen when it comes to being pregnant. (not me!)

5 days- holy crap

My internet has been down at home, so I can't post as often as I would like. I wanted to be posting a lot in that time leading up to the wedding, and between computer problems and my total lack of free time, it just ain't happenen.

I will post gobs of stuff from the planning and the wedding after, I promise.

Oh, and I totally gambled by having a mostly outdoor wedding. Yeah, it's going to be like a high of 50- supposed to get into the 30s later that night. We'll have the booze a' flowin and I'm thinking the dance floor will be a hit to warm up. We've gotten a tent with sidewalls and I may get a couple heat lamps, but ohhhhh Lordy, it's going to be a chilly one. My Minnesota family will rock it out- we're real thick skinned, but I have some cousins coming in from florida that may be walking around the reception in a parka.

We'll look back and laugh, right? We'll look back and laugh.....We'll look back and laugh